Recounting Kyle’s Journey with Cancer Pt. 2

Once the doctor saw Kyle around 3 am, they sent him home saying to come back in the morning when the Ultrasound tech would be in and could check for the potential blood clot. So I picked him up, brought him home, and he headed back to the hospital first thing in the morning before I woke up. Once they had done the ultrasound it was around noon when he was told by the physician that they also wanted to do a CT scan. Everything seemed fine, just a lot of waiting.

When the clock crept towards dinner, my parents came over to watch the kids so I could go be with Kyle at the hospital and bring him some food as we awaited the reports. As I was getting ready to head over, our texts turned from laid back to Kyle sending a two word text that made my stomach drop: “Call me.”

I remember waiting with him in this little room they have in the back corner of the emergency department that’s typically used for putting on a cast. They had put him back there to give him some privacy. Apologetic nurses came in and out to grab supplies from the shelves while we waited, and Kyle and I remained mostly silent, trying not to let our minds wander too far as we waited. That was next to impossible of course. They hadn’t told him much, just that they were waiting for the official CT report, but that we should prepare ourselves – it looked serious. I really couldn’t imagine what it could be. Kyle was one of the healthiest people I know. He rarely ate junk, or “put cheap gas in his Ferrari” as he likes to say. He was an active person, spent a lot of his free time outdoors with the kids no matter what the weather. What could possibly be so wrong in a body like that? I couldn’t help noting the sympathetic glances my way from the staff that entered the room. Something was definitely not good, and everyone seemed to know about it but us.

It was evening when we finally received the news. Cancer. A large 18cm x 12cm mass in his left side retroperitoneum (basically the empty space around organs in the abdomen). We were told that the radiologist that read the CT was speaking with the surgeon and that they were preparing a room for Kyle to be admitted while he awaited a biopsy to be done. This would determine the official type of cancer and help oncologists decide how to pursue treatment. We were just in shock. My memory of this time is a bit of a blur. I know while Kyle was in the hospital those few days while they did the biopsy and further tests that they also tried to start helping to better manage the pain he was in. Everyone who could help fast track tests and referrals did and we were told when Kyle left the hospital to expect to hear more about the results of the biopsy in a couple weeks.

At some point I was able to get a copy of Kyle’s CT report. Kyle had gotten it from the doctor and took pictures of it and sent it to me while I was at home with the kids. Kyle had no idea what the report was talking about, and I’m not sure if he even really looked at it. But I did. And my stomach just sank as I read about not just the large mass they had told us about, but metastases in his lungs, spleen, and lymph nodes. Stage IV. I remembered from my nursing days that cancer that spreads to other organs in the body is one of the classifications for Stage IV cancer.

I sat on the couch alone in the living room with no light but the glow of the Christmas tree behind me and wept while our kids slept in the next room, unaware that our lives were about to change for ever.

When I later drove to the hospital to pick up Kyle and bring him home, I started to panic realizing that no one was going to share this news with us yet, which meant that I would have to be the one to break the news to Kyle. I didn’t want to be that person. I couldn’t imagine even finding the words. I don’t remember the moment I told him. I don’t remember what we said in the car before heading home. I remember he held me, and consoled me, the way he always has with hard things. He’s always been the strong one when I crumble.

We returned home crushed by the news, with nothing more to really do other than wait. Christmas approached and we went through some of the motions to make it a memorable time as a family as much as we could.